thoughts

    Jerry Seinfeld, we’re led to believe, wrote everything down just as it happened – from a guy who talks too close to your face to someone who fusses over the look of a dog with its ear turned over. Larry David is somewhat different in that inspiration seems to spin spontaneously from the top of his head – like the dreaded Susan in Curb Your Enthusiasm who irritates Larry by exhaling a self-satisfied “aaahhh” (loudly) whenever she sips an agreeable drink, to Susan kvetching about Larry buying a flamboyant pre-pubescent child a sewing machine for his birthday.

   I’m not in their league, of course, and carefully avoided putting my name in the same sentence, but I share their affection for observational humour. They are the masters of an exclusive club – perhaps the only club Woody Allen might be willing to be a member of.

   On this page I have included a collection of personal observations that may appear in a story at sometime in the future, if they haven’t already. They are not meant to be funny, some may even cause offence, but you might see something of yourself, or others, in some and they may prompt, perhaps, a knowing nod, or a wry smile.

Cliches 1

Obesity

Money

  Toys

   Sportsmen and women, a day or so after personal triumph, say that “It hasn’t sunk in yet!” Are their brains really that fried after performing at up to “150 percent”? They (and their commentators) say they “can’t wait” for the next match,
 
  Look around you. Australia has an obesity problem. Big women may admit that the only exercise they ever had was shopping at the malls, but now they shop online. Now their fingers do all the walking while the men, increasingly, are on the couch watching TV sport. Fewer are playing it.
 
  We all bitch and whine about not having enough money. But many of those people smoke too much and drink too much and insist on that ritual coffee at both ends of the day.  That adds up to about $3000 a year on coffee alone! We pay “extras” for the “must haves” - mobile phone and internet plans, TV, software, apps and downloads of just about everything downloadable - expenses we never had to worry about a generation ago.  By the way, those billion or more plastic coffee cups disposed of each day are NOT recyclable.
 
  In the past men had all the toys – cars, boats, video games. They were the first to embrace technology and thrill-seeker sports, like paragliding, windsailing, jet-skiing. Women liked to shop, watch soap operas and chatter on the home phone. When the mobile arrived they finally had their first real “toy.”
 
 

 

Sayonara Honeymoon

        This is the man for me, she believes.
He is warm, loving, considerate, funny, and I feel the love inside.  

            This is the woman for me, he thinks.

She doesn’t give a stuff about the state of the toilet seat and she’s an absolute cracker in the cot, mate!

               “I do!” they declare in harmony.

         “She wouldn’t if she knew about Sylvie Sim behind the swimmin’ shed!” announces the Best Man. He’s had a few.

            “He knows me better than anybody,” the groom has said.

            And the bride’s eyes glisten sadly, for all to see.

           

            “I can’t go out, I’ve got terrible sunburn,” she moans.

             “That’s OK sweetie, I’ll just be an hour, down at the pool.”

            She anticipates lunch, but he’s back at 4.22.

            “Where have you been?”

            "Er, I met an old mate from school.”

            She knows. He lies. Women’s intuition!

            Where was that when she needed it most?

 

 

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